Writerly Insecurities

[only_more_love]

Not much time to post right now, but I wanted to jot down some thoughts while they were fresh in my mind. I wrote and posted Why I Write:  A Personal Statement because I knew there would be moments like this--when I would look at my writing and think:

1.  Who the hell am I kidding?  I have no idea what I'm doing.
2.  It's pedestrian, derivative, boring, and just plain bad. 
3.  There's so much I have to learn; I don't even know if I'm capable of learning it. 
4.  What if I just don't have anything meaningful to say?

Sometimes I think I am my own worst enemy.

Comments

[dabhug.livejournal.com]

I know my two cents don't even amount to two cents, and while I know and understand where you are coming from, I strongly disagree with your points.

Hugs to you.

[lerdo.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the hugs and for your comments; I appreciate them all. *hugs you back*

[mistopher.livejournal.com]

i also totally disagree with your your fics are sometimes the highlight or my day. i understand your insecurity but i promise you never let me down!

[lerdo.livejournal.com]

You made me smile, so thank you, Misty.

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

I know exactly what you mean.

All I can say is, you have given me a lot of enjoyment, take that for what it's worth.

And sometimes, I'll go back and read something I've written and I'll find one perfect sentence and I'll think - AHA - that's why I keep doing this. Try it, you'll see what I mean.

[lerdo.livejournal.com]

All I can say is, you have given me a lot of enjoyment, take that for what it's worth.

It's worth a lot.

Thank you--for the encouragement and your suggestion. Both helped. I bet you do know exactly what I meant; making stuff, whatever that stuff is, can be difficult and scary.

[pinktealeaves.livejournal.com]

1. You do it pretty well for a person who doesn't know what she's doing.

2. I don't know if you're referring to something you're writing right now or to your writing in general. First case, I doubt it, second case, are you kidding? ;)

3. Learning never ends, we all learn something everyday even thouhg we may not notice. Living makes our everyday smarter. We all are capable of learning. And in writing, you know more about writing than most people I know, so, learning... go for it girl!! ;)

4. If you're stuck sometimes it's ok, but don't think you don't have any meaningful to say.

May I say your writing is HUGE? Truly. ;)

*hugs*

[nonores.livejournal.com]

Long time lurker. Hi!

I understand how you're feeling because I tend to get hypercritical of myself at times, too.

For someone who has no idea I think you are doing pretty good. A lot of your stuff is original and well written. Most days it is the best fic I've read all day.
Even tho I'm not sure where some of your fic is going it is well written.
I've been trying to find some B/B fic and other than a few LJ sites I'm not having much luck. You know what that means don't you? FF. *shudders* Booth's 'suite', fighting in 'Irak' (seriously! I saw that one the other day.), stuff that avoids canon, and all sorts of stange "plots" and punctuation going on. Your stuff is an oasis of sanity in comparison!

[tempertemper77.livejournal.com]

LOL, I spotted 'Irak' too :)

[lerdo.livejournal.com]

*sigh* All right, where is this atrocity?

[tempertemper77.livejournal.com]

Erm... it was that bad I instantly forget! *Goes off to look*

[tempertemper77.livejournal.com]

rejoices that she's not the only one*

It all rings so true! Are any writers truly confident of their ability at any time, let alone all the time? Sometimes I think the fact that we eternally question ourselves and what we are trying to say, is exactly what makes the writing good.

You are consistently absolutely fabulous btw, although I know you are not digging for praise.

As I said, nice to know I'm not the only insecure scribe out there :)

[lerdo.livejournal.com]

Ha! Trust me; you're not the only one. I feel like this fairly often. Generally, I just force myself to write anyway.

Though you're right that I wasn't digging for praise, I'm still grateful for your kindness. Thank you. *hugs*

As I said, nice to know I'm not the only insecure scribe out there :)

You're definitely not alone. It's just that the doubts are usually in my head and not out in the open where passersby can see them. *g* If you ever want to commiserate, complain, weep, wail, or gnash your teeth about writing (or not writing), I'm here, and I understand.

[tempertemper77.livejournal.com]

Now you've torn it - you won't get rid of me :)

But seriously, thank you x

[mistletoe54.livejournal.com]

As you know, I read everything you write. I consider myself a critical reader so here is my critique of what you have written today.
1. Bwuh? You're not kidding me. You know exactly what you're doing and I enjoy every nuance of it.
2. Guh? It's lively, innovative, interesting and just plain brilliant.
3. Pah! Those who can, do; those who can't, teach. You do, very much so. Besides if you close your mind to learning you stagnate. You? Are a waterfall.
4. Bah! (my favourite word of disgruntlement) Don't be silly.

Will check back later for more cheerful blurting.

[(Anonymous)]

I've never posted on LJ, and I'm not a writer so, large grain of salt, etc.

BUT...
I went looking for Bones fic and found a lot of it was, well, sketchy (to be charitable).

And then there were your stories.

Beautiful tales, simple scenes, powerful phrases, eloquent descriptions, great work.
I don't know anything about anything, but for me, you are the cream of the crop. I visit your site as often as I can (most days) to see what's new and to read and re-read (and re-re-read) your stories.

Please don't stop.
I don't know how you manage to so consistently and regularly create such excellent prose. I am in awe.
Thank you for all your amazing work.
Thank you for sharing.

[hoosabrat.livejournal.com]

1. I don't think most great writers do. Otherwise, how would they ever arrive somewhere new?

2. In all honesty, I know a lot of "writers" on LJ, but you are one of the (if not the) only ones who manages to not only tell a story not only entertainingly, but lyrically, poetically, eloquently. My mark of "literature" vs. "fiction" has always been in the crafting of the writing itself -- when you read a story and think, "My God, there's just not a single other way of saying that that would have improved it." You do that with fanfiction.

3. I think somebody's already said it, but I don't think learning ever ends. You've just got to keep moving forward and accept that you'll never learn everything, but you'll get a lot further trying than giving up now.

4. If you don't now, you will eventually. And you never know; something you find meaningless could have enormous meaning for someone reading your story.

BTW, I don't think you're alone in these kinds of insecurities at all. I hear this from every storyteller on my flist, whether they write fanfiction, original fiction, or screenplays.

[miseradreamer.livejournal.com]

well first, your fics are awesome and I frequently find myself referring people to them.

second, you have to write for yourself. If you enjoy writing then do it. It doesn't matter what people say, you are writing because you want to do it.

and third.. your fics are awesome :P

[http://users.livejournal.com/alderaan_/]

I understand you because your thoughts are my thoughts when I write something, but you forget it. Your fics are the better than I have read in any language. Really. And I have read a lot of fics.

And when I see that you have written other one, I smile. Your fics make me happy :)

*hugs*

Besos

[pipergirl07.livejournal.com]

Nothing we readers can say will change your first impression when you're reviewing your own writing, because that is dependant on your mood at the moment.

However, if you're brave enough to post, we're there to say 'I told you so! You rock!' :)

[joyreader.livejournal.com]

You're the best B&B fanfic writer out there. Period. *You* are the best. The *best*. I still think you should be contracted to write for the show. If Hart Hanson isn't already reading your fics, someone needs to shove them under his nose.... now.

We all have bad days. Insecure days. We get overwhelemed, feel like crap. It happens. But at the end of the day, you still have as much creative talent and keen understanding into human nature as any great writer has ever had.

Maybe you don't feel like you're progressing as much as you would like right now. But I say, wait and see, and sleep on it. Let your subconscious process what you've been doing. Let your dreams clear out the clutter and allow you to tackle what's before you now. I'm willing to bet that you'll soon be struck with inspiration, clarity and confidence.

And regarding your number 4 point: What could be more meaningful than showing the power and importance of human connection?

[bitsofbrits.livejournal.com]

I can understand how your feeling because in the course of my very short writing life I have felt the same.

1. I don't think any writer really knows what they are doing, except that they HAVE to write. It's always there, bubbling beneath the surface.

2. Your writing has a soul, It's made me laugh, cry, or get up and give my husband a kiss. Boring?, derivative?...........it's anything but.

3. And that's the fun part of it all. I sit and go over old stories I'v written and think, 'Wow, I'v changed' The more you do something, the better you get and the more you learn. It's inevitable.

4. See 2. People find meaning in all things. People find comfort in other peoples experiences, fears, joys etc. What you write is meaningful because people experience those things along with you, through the characters. I find meaning in your work because after a shitty day, I sit down and a new drabble pops up and I smile. And I think that's very important. :)

[elena1701.livejournal.com]

I'll just echo everyone else and say that you *are* a great writer!

[freevortex.livejournal.com]

Hey! Now you're just being mean to yourself. You are made of awesomeness. The way you play your characters perfectly and make them seem like real people makes me keep coming back for more and more fic. If you think you are *bad* at writing, then we must all think that we are *bad* at living, or breathing, or making our hearts beat or.... something. :D