Title: What Would Happen If We Kissed? (9/?)

[only_more_love]

Title: What Would Happen If We Kissed? (9/?)
Chapter Title: Touch and Go
Chapter: 9/? [WIP]
Pairing: Brennan/Booth
Rating: R
Word Count: 2077
Summary: Thoughts of Booth are keeping Brennan awake at night. Question is, what is she going to do about it? This story is set in Season 2, after Episode 11.
Spoilers:  Through 2x11 (Judas on a Pole)
Disclaimer: Bones and its characters belong to FOX, not me. This story is purely meant to entertain. No copyright infringement is intended.
Notes: Thank you so much to everyone who's commented on this story. I can't fully express how much that means to me. While I write for myself first and foremost, I'm thrilled to know that other people are reading and enjoying this story, too. That helps a lot -- especially on days when the words don't come easily.

Click here for fic index

Prologue & Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8

Chapter 9: Touch and Go

Booth lay on his side, watching Brennan. She lay curled next to him, hand tucked under her cheek on the pillow – his pillow – and her other arm stretched out in front of her. Close to him, but not touching. The position made her seem much younger than he knew she was.

Every few seconds she blinked, the blue of her eyes hazy and unfocused. She had the kind of face that looked too serious, bordering on sad, when it wasn’t smiling. That was one of the first things he’d noticed about her, and for reasons he couldn’t explain, he’d wanted to make her smile almost from the very beginning. Hell, he’d even take her glaring at him over the shadows that crept over her face more often than he’d like.

Those lips were made for smiling – preferably at him.

Part of him wondered what thoughts rolled in Brennan’s mind now as she silently looked back at him, her expression calm but her cheeks still pink from his touch.

He almost asked. He almost pulled her into his arms the way he wanted to. Then another part of him, the one that knew his partner and understood how close she’d come to running after they’d had sex, that part decided it was better to keep quiet and just observe for a while. Kind of like a scientist, he thought with an inward smile as Brennan silently looked back at him.

She was rubbing off on him. He didn’t know how he should feel about that.

He didn’t know how he should feel about any of it. All he knew was what he’d known last night when she’d shown up at his apartment: they couldn’t go back. What they’d done couldn’t be undone; it couldn’t be rewound like an old VHS tape. Even if it could, he didn’t want to.

So cool on the surface. That was Temperance Brennan. But he’d known in his gut that beneath that cool surface there existed something more -- if he could just touch it. If he could just dip in a finger, he knew the surface would fold and ripple.

As he watched, her lips curved. For a moment, all he could do was stare and remind himself to breathe in and breathe out. He’d told her once that he had a charm smile; what he hadn’t told her was that she had one, too.

With those eyes that iced over when she was angry and melted like a lake in spring when she smiled, she was already too pretty for her own good and for his blood pressure. Too smart, too. Who knew what fresh kind of trouble she’d manage to get into if she figured out how to work that smile?

No way would he be the one to tell her. So he settled for returning her smile with one of his own. “Come on,” he said, sitting up and letting his hand graze hers. “It’s been way more than five minutes.”

At first she just frowned and narrowed her eyes at him. “Fine,” she finally said, sighing.

As she slid toward the edge of the bed and then stood, Booth’s gaze lingered on her still-naked body. Her eyebrow arched as she caught him looking, and he flashed her a grin and a wink.

With a roll of her eyes and a twitch of her lips, Brennan easily stepped out of his reach. “Don’t even think about it,” she called over her shoulder as she walked to the bathroom.

Booth followed Brennan, his eyes locked on the sweet curves of her hips. It could be his imagination, but he thought they might be swaying just a little more than usual. “Easy for you to say,” he muttered, scratching his stomach. “You had dessert.”

“What did you say?” she asked, as he settled his hand on her warm back.

“Nothing,” he replied, trying to sound innocent. Still grinning, he inched his hand down and gave her a quick pinch on the ass.

“Booth!” she said, the word coming out as a squeak as she smacked his hand away.

Shrugging, he said, “Sorry,” sounding anything but.

---

Brennan shoved aside the curtain and stepped into the shower. “Oh,” she said, sounding surprised.

“Too hot?” Booth asked, frowning as he stepped into the tub behind her.

She turned away so the spray hit her back. “No,” she said, after a moment, shaking her head. “It will be all right in a minute.”

Without shoes, Brennan stood a few inches shorter than him. Seeing her like this gave him a different perspective. Her eyes fell shut, and Booth looked down at her, admiring the drops of water that hung from her eyelashes like tiny crystals.

His ears filled with the sound of rushing water, and for a second or maybe an eternity, Booth felt like they were the only people left in the world.

When he started to feel cold, he brought his hands up to her shoulders and turned them both so he was under the water, too. Blinking, Brennan glanced up at him. Slick from the shower, her hair gleamed nearly black, and the contrast turned her eyes a shade of blue he couldn’t name if he tried. He wasn’t a writer; he didn’t mold words the way she did. In fact, he was damned sure he didn’t even know all the words she knew – and he was OK with that. Their partnership worked because of the different strengths they each brought to it.

“What?” she said, her lips twisting in a frown.

“Your hair,” he said, brushing his hand over it, “it’s all wet.”

The frown melted into a smile that told him she was laughing at him; he found he didn’t mind. “We are standing in a shower, Booth.”

“Yeah,” he said, his voice just a touch softer. “Yeah, we are.” He dragged his hands through his wet hair before returning them to Brennan’s shoulders and smoothing them down over the warm, wet skin of her arms to her wrists, and then back again. Touching her reminded Booth she was there: she was real. If he pinched himself, she would still be standing in his tub, naked, with him.

Her head tilted to the side. “I think this is one of those times when I’m missing something.”

“Well,” he said, letting his hand follow the heavy, wet fall of her hair. “This is new, that’s all. We’ve never showered together before.”

She nodded, her expression turning thoughtful as she trailed a finger in a zigzag pattern over his chest. “That’s true. I suppose we haven’t done any of this before.” A dozen rivers slipped over her shoulders and breasts while steam rose to fill the air around them.

Wrapping his arms loosely around her, he smiled and swayed her a bit, their feet squeaking against the wet tub. “Nope. I can’t say I’ve eaten Ben and Jerry’s off your breasts before. I mean, I’ve thought about it…”

Her eyebrows shot up. “You have?”

“Oh, yeah.”

“And?”

“And what?”

She bit her lip and glanced away, looking almost shy. It was actually kind of cute. Wisely, he kept that thought to himself. “How did the reality… compare to the fantasy?” she asked, a hesitant note entering her voice.

Pulling her closer with one arm, he tipped her chin up with his free hand, forcing her to meet his gaze. “What do you think?”

Shrugging, she remained silent, just breathing. Something warm and heavy filled Booth’s chest, and he pressed a kiss to Brennan’s temple before closing his eyes and bringing his mouth to hers.

Neither spoke when they finally broke apart. Releasing Brennan, Booth reached for the bar of soap sitting on the shelf hanging from the neck of the showerhead. He rubbed the soap between his hands, lathering it until the suds covered his hands in white. “Turn around,” he said.

“Why?”

“So I can do your back.”

After a second, she nodded and turned away from him. Gently, he stroked the soap over her back and then circled his hands against her skin until it was covered in white froth. He felt a shiver move through her as his fingers swept over her shoulders. He stilled immediately. “You OK?”

For a heartbeat, Booth heard nothing but the water.

“Yes, “ Brennan said, her voice sounding husky.

---

When he tried to dry her off, she simply took the towel from his hands. “I can do that myself,” she said, not meeting his eyes.

“I’m sure you can,” he said, shrugging and letting her comment pass without further comment. “Do you want another shirt?”

“Yes, please.”

He left the bathroom and returned to his room, where he pulled open one of the dresser drawers and rifled through it till he found an old Steelers shirt that had grown soft and faded through many washings.

She was standing behind him, wrapped in his green towel, hair hanging straight and wet around her shoulders, when he shut the drawer and turned around. He hadn’t heard her come out of the bathroom. “Here you go,” he said.

“Thank you,” she said, her eyes serious. Their fingers brushed as she took the shirt from him. Her mouth opened, then closed, and she shifted on her feet, her eyes darting from his face to the floor.

Though he sensed her uneasiness, he decided to wait for her to speak.

“It’s late,” she said, tucking her hair behind her ear, “and I’m tired.”

“So stay over like I told you to.”

She crossed her arms over her chest, looking at him, but not into his eyes. “All right. But Booth, I can’t sleep with you.”

“Hate to break it to you, Bones, but you already did,” he said, keeping his tone light.

“No, that was sex.” As her gaze finally rose to meet his, Booth’s heart sank. “I mean that I can’t sleep with you.”

Booth froze. “Why not? You slept with me last night.”

“I did,” she said, nodding. “But that was a mistake.”

“Why the hell was it a mistake?” he asked, attempting to keep his voice level. “Geez, it’s not like I’m going to harass you in your sleep.”

“That’s not it. It’s too… intimate. This” – she waved a hand between them – “apart from our partnership, is just supposed to be sex. Nothing more.”

Booth’s jaw clenched so tight it hurt. Heat crawled up his face. He wanted to argue with her. He wanted to tell her how stupid he thought this was. But she’d been completely honest with him about what she was looking for when she dropped by the night before. So he rubbed a hand over his face and then nodded. “OK.” His voice came out rough, so he cleared his throat. “You can have my bed.”

She frowned, and he willed his hands to keep from shaking her. “No. I can’t kick you out of your bed,” she said.

Again, he wanted to fight her, to pit his stubbornness against hers, but she was right – it was late, and she was tired. Come to think of it, so was he. They could pick it up again in the morning. “Fine,” he said, even though it was anything but that. “I’ll fix up Parker’s room for you.”

---

Brennan waited in his room while he stripped the sheets on Parker’s bed and put down a fresh set. After fluffing the pillow a little harder than necessary, Booth crossed the hall to his bedroom. “I left an extra blanket in case you get cold,” he said, standing in the doorway and scrubbing a hand over the back of his neck.

“I’m sure I’ll be fine,” Brennan replied, rising from the edge of his bed and tugging at the bottom of the t-shirt he’d loaned her. Seeing her in it made him ache. She walked toward him, face somber and unsmiling. Stopping a few feet away, she glanced at him, looking as though she wanted to say something. But as he waited, she stayed silent. “Good night,” she finally said, and the woman he’d touched just a few minutes ago brushed right past him, leaving him to sleep alone in a bed that was big enough for both of them.

Booth swallowed, pushing down the disappointment that burned inside him. “Yeah. Good night,” he replied, one hand braced hard against the doorframe. He didn’t bother turning around to watch Brennan go into his son’s room.

Author's Note: If you have a minute, won't you drop me a note (or a smile or a frown)? It would be much appreciated. Thank you.

Comments

[pipergirl07.livejournal.com]

Hmm... Brennan gets cold feet as soon as things become more intimate--no surprise there :)

No, no frown at all. It's more than plausible to see her reacting this way. Will someone else she loves abandon her? Easier not to love, then.

I'm curious to see what direction you take them from here. You have a tendency to go against the grain, so to say, and I'm sure I'll be pleasantly surprised.

[lerdo.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Glad you felt this was a plausible reaction on Brennan's part.

You have a tendency to go against the grain...

I do? How so, if you don't mind my asking? Just curious. :)

[bertie456.livejournal.com]

I don't have words... I only have strange squeaky, pitying sounds that I don't think I can type... :(

That was amazing and beautifully written and all the other wonderful things always associated with your fics, but I may hate you just a little bit for being so mean to Booth. :) Yes, I know it's in character, and that's what Brennan would probably do in that situation, and that the story most likely wouldn't be as awesome if you didn't write it like that, but it still make me want to cry.

*makes squeaky noise again and hopes cute avie will make you happy-ending-inclined*

Amazing job.

[lerdo.livejournal.com]

You know I have a weakness for your cookie icon. It's just too cute.

Thank you for the squeaky sounds -- and everything else you said, Bertie. I didn't know you were reading this story, but I'm happy to hear it. :) I do think it was in character for Brennan to react the way she did in this chapter. I know it wasn't pretty, though. People are complicated; sometimes they hurt others without meaning to.

Thanks again for letting me know what you thought of this part.

[witchofthedogs.livejournal.com]

Oh, ouch.

[lerdo.livejournal.com]

Yes. :(

[la-tante.livejournal.com]

man. i feel so bad for booth. he's willing to risk...how can he persuade brennan to do the same?

as always, you write a yummy story, m'dear. i love your booth!! and i wait to see what happens in the morning.
xo
j

[lerdo.livejournal.com]

I'm not surprised you felt bad for Booth. :( I felt bad writing it, but I really did think it was a plausible way for Brennan to react.

Thanks very much for reading and commenting. I'm happy you're enjoying this story. :)

[starlite-diner.livejournal.com]

this was so beautiful hun. so beautiful. it made me a bit sad at the end, to see her start to pull away from him, but that's okay. i love that their relationship is so complicated. [though at times it might make me want to throw something ;)]for me, because of that complexity.. it's just gonna mean so much more in the end to see them finally be able to make it work. nothing worth having in life..comes easy. anyway, sorry for the ramble, lol. i can't wait to see where you're going to take this. ♥

“So I can do your back.”

After a second, she nodded and turned away from him. Gently, he stroked the soap over her back and then circled his hands against her skin until it was covered in white froth. He felt a shiver move through her as his fingers swept over her shoulders. He stilled immediately. “You OK?”

For a heartbeat, Booth heard nothing but the water.

“Yes, “ Brennan said, her voice sounding husky.
i wanted to comment specifically on this part. this part stands out to me so much. just the beauty and the tragedy of it all at the same time. it's something so intimate that they are sharing, but it's the very thing that makes makes her afraid, to experience this and to be able to accept sharing intimacy with someone...with Booth. At least, that's how I took it. :)

[lerdo.livejournal.com]

Hey, Shauna. :) You weren't rambling; I loved reading your comments. I agree that their relationship is complicated. They care for each other very much, but that doesn't mean everything is straightforward and easy for them.

it's something so intimate that they are sharing, but it's the very thing that makes makes her afraid, to experience this and to be able to accept sharing intimacy with someone...with Booth. At least, that's how I took it. :)

There's no one "right" interpretation when it comes to fiction, but I wanted to tell you that you nailed EXACTLY what was going on in my head when I wrote that section. :)

Thanks so much for taking the time to tell me how you felt about this chapter. That takes effort, and I want you to know I recognize that.

[notice---me.livejournal.com]

Everyone else pretty much said it but poor Booth. Even if it was in character it still makes you feel bad for Booth. Looking forward to the next chapter :)

[lerdo.livejournal.com]

Believe me, I get why you felt bad for Booth in this chapter. :(

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me.

[cywrain.livejournal.com]

Gaaah! The... the... woman. Good grief.

I can't what to see what happens in the next chapter.

[lerdo.livejournal.com]

Good grief, indeed. :)

Thanks for commenting.

[makd.livejournal.com]

Oh, Brennan - so much fear, so much hidden. And Booth - so much caring, so much wanting.

Gah! the angst!

[lerdo.livejournal.com]

Oh, Brennan - so much fear, so much hidden. And Booth - so much caring, so much wanting.

*nods* Yes.

Many thanks for commenting.

[fangirlgonewild.livejournal.com]

I like that the intimacy of the shower kind of freaked her out a little. They jumped into this so quickly - it's not shocking that the consequences caught up with her. Poor Booth, though.

[lerdo.livejournal.com]

I like that the intimacy of the shower kind of freaked her out a little. They jumped into this so quickly - it's not shocking that the consequences caught up with her.

I'm glad you thought that made sense.

And yeah, poor Booth. :(

Thanks for reading and feeding.

[evegryffindor.livejournal.com]

Oh noes! Poor Booth. :( I mean, totally Brennan. But poor Booth.

[lerdo.livejournal.com]

I'm glad Brennan's behavior in this chapter seemed, well, Brennan-like. And yeah, poor Booth. :(

Thanks for letting me know what you thought.

[tempertemper77.livejournal.com]

She had the kind of face that looked too serious, bordering on sad, when it wasn’t smiling.

I love that whole observation from Booth.

Hell, he’d even take her glaring at him over the shadows that crept over her face more often than he’d like.

Ah, so that's why he winds her up *g*

He’d told her once that he had a charm smile; what he hadn’t told her was that she had one, too.

LOVED that. Oh loved all his quiet contemplations of her.

And the shower scene was so beautifully described and sensual, and intimate.

And then she goes all Brennan on him. Well, she would. I like how you have Booth hurt but hiding it.. still want to give him a big cuddle though (but when don't I?)

Thanks for another fab update ;)

[lerdo.livejournal.com]

Ah, so that's why he winds her up *g*

;) I think so.

Thanks for your thoughtful comments. I'm partial to the charm smile bit, so I'm giddy you liked it, too.

You're always up for cuddling Booth. Can't say I blame you! ;)

Thank you, sweetie.

[tempertemper77.livejournal.com]

You're always up for cuddling Booth. Can't say I blame you! ;)

Ooh *sigh* the very thought!

You're very welcome too :)

[toughlovebaby.livejournal.com]

poor booth :(

[lerdo.livejournal.com]

:( Yes, it was a sad moment for Booth.

Thanks for commenting.

[http://users.livejournal.com/alderaan_/]

Oh, it's completely in character. It's what Booth and Brennan would probably do in this situation but… she is so blind and I feel bad for him.

He didn’t bother turning around to watch Brennan go into his son’s room.
You killed me with this.

But I have a hope that she will realize that he is the love of her life. Because he is it, isn’t he? ;)

I wait the next chapter with anxiety. I know I'm very repetitive but I love this fic.

Besos

[lerdo.livejournal.com]

You killed me with this.

I'll confess that bit made me sad, too. :(

But I have a hope that she will realize that he is the love of her life. Because he is it, isn’t he? ;)

I think he is, but I am, admittedly, biased.

I know I'm very repetitive but I love this fic.

Trust ne, I will never tired of hearing that you like this story. ;)

Hugs, my dear.

[late-heart.livejournal.com]

The layers of feeling here are so well developed and rich. You have a marvelous way with them that breaks my heart. Thanks for giving us what we ache for on screen.

And I regret that I don't leave you feedback more often; now that I've made some changes in my lj 'lifestyle' I hope to have the time to respond more often, and with detail beyond 'omg I love them and you.'

:D

[(Anonymous)]

Thank you for this new chapter. I'm a french fan (you'll find out soon as you read this comment ;-)) and I read some fic about this serie, but this one is the best ! The characters are really really like the serie, and Brennan could not act differently !
You' re a really good writer, there is not so much fictions in french, that's a pity, but thanksfull there's some good american writers !!
Sorry for the mistakes I've probably wrote, but I think you deserve a lot of comments !
I will be there for your next chapter and I will wait for it with impatience.
See you soon !!
Moune

[caitlinsici.livejournal.com]

Oh Brennen... She is very good at running away.

Poor Booth.

[(Anonymous)]

"...leaving him to sleep alone in a bed that was big enough for both of them."

I loved this line. It captured the whole chapter perfectly--he's willing to open up his life and share it with her, but so far he's still alone. Angsty stories are my favorite. Can't wait for the next chapter!

Oykamu

[mistletoe54.livejournal.com]

Not that Booth would because he thinks she's worth the effort; but I'd be almost inclined to lose hope of ever getting her to see what (was it Angela or?)he said about giving a little of yourself in order to get a little. I can't remember trhe context now, but it has something to do with asking personal questions but not revealing something of yourself in return means that people won't trust you enough to tell you things. Booth has exposed a lot here and Brennan is, of course, reluctant to take the final intimate step of admitting a vulnerability. She's see it as a weakness.

Oops ramble mode there. Anyway, to echo the rest: poor Booth.

[elena1701.livejournal.com]

I was expecting something like this to happen in the story (it's very Brennan), but it still hurts a little to read - poor Booth!

[5230profile.livejournal.com]

another lovely chapter :) poor Booth, he's so sad now :(

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

Throughout this story, it's obvious that Booth knows how skittish Brennan is. The way he doesn't say what's really in his heart, the way he doesn't challenge her. Still, even with that knowledge, it's obvious he was hoping for a different outcome, which makes it all the sadder.

[pinktealeaves.livejournal.com]

Hi! I'm happy that I came back and had this to read.

Poor Booth, Brennan getting cold feet makes his heart shrink. It's all so *her*, but I hope she thinks about it and give them a chance. It must be hard having the one you want/love most right in the next room and you cannot get near, she has to change her mind, for Booth, for herself, and for all of us. ;)

By the way, I read the comment Pinci left you from me ::LOL:: When my computer broke and I was told it would take some days I called her all like 'What am I going to do without fanfiction?', and told her to drop a comment to you about the possibility that you might not post *GOOD* fanfic while I was out. She says that she cannot read fanfic if it's not about Mulder and Scully, but I convinced her to read this.

I love every chapter of this one. Keep the great work.

Hugs.

[angelswilliam.livejournal.com]

methinks the lady doth protest too much....

[isisizabel.livejournal.com]

Oh, Brennan. Silly Brennan and your infuriating insecurities. And the confounding way you try to compartmentalize everything.

And my darling Booth, how amazingly patient are you?

And of course L. Your work never ceases to amaze me.

:-)