Revelations: A Parody
Feb. 15th, 2008 01:30 pmSo there's a parody challenge over at
theboothexpress, and I couldn't resist writing a response for it. I've deliberately kept it short in order to minimize pain. Read it at your own risk. *g*
Please note this isn't how I normally write. This is all for the purpose of parody. All errors and abuses of the English language are deliberate. Forgive me.
Please note this isn't how I normally write. This is all for the purpose of parody. All errors and abuses of the English language are deliberate. Forgive me.
Every last word that follows this sentence is a part of the parody.
Revelations: A Parody
Author's Note:
I suck at summaries. Bones may be slightly OOC. My first time ritting a story plz b nice. If I don't get reviews, there will be no updatings.
Taking place during Allens in a SPaceshp
Bones' cerulean orbs welled with tears that spilled down her alabaster cheeks as she stared down at the page before her. Time and oxygen were running out, but like Hodgings, she had someone she needed to say goodbye to.
She began to sang, ignoring the strange looks Hodgen's was gave to her.
And I don't know how
I can get in touch with you
Now there's only one thing
for me to do, that's to
To get home to you
Blinking, she took the pen in her hand and begins to write. Out of nowehere, the right words came to her as a rush of emotion uncoiled in belly and washed over her skin, leaving her shivering.
Dearest Selly,
Before I met you, I didn't believe in love. Anthropologically speaking, monogamy, and indeed, marriage, are recent human inventions. But what was once just an oppressive, archaic institution, suddenly holds an undeniable appeal. Listening to Hodgins proclaim his love for Angela has forced me to see my own truth. As I sit here and take stock of my life, what I regret most is not having been with you.
With the specter of death looming before me, I am forced to imagine the future you and I will never have. I will never have the chance to feel your tongue probe the hot, wet depths of my mouth and engage in that ancient mating dance until both of us are gasping for air. I will never have the chance to wear the white dress of shantung and tulle that Angela chose for me the week after you and I first became partners, and be lead down the aisle toward you by my father. I will never have the chance to get fat with your twins after we make love for the first time against the wall and you call me Temperance, and I make you buy me pickles and ice cream and Thai food in the middle of the night and massage my swollen ankles.
Silly, from the moment I looked into your soft, warm, chocolate brown Labrador Retriver eyes, I knew you were my soulmate, my destiny, an Angel sent down to me by God Himself, and all those other things I never dreamed I'd believe in. It turns out all I needed to be whole was a good man like you. Without you, I'm nothing.
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
All my love, xoxoxo,
Temprance
P.S.
I have been cuttting myself for weeks now. It helps relive the pain I felt knowing that you and CAm were satisfying your biolOgIcaL urjes together. We hates her.
-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-
Want more? You know what you've gotta do. Clicky the little button.
Author's Note:
I suck at summaries. Bones may be slightly OOC. My first time ritting a story plz b nice. If I don't get reviews, there will be no updatings.
Taking place during Allens in a SPaceshp
Bones' cerulean orbs welled with tears that spilled down her alabaster cheeks as she stared down at the page before her. Time and oxygen were running out, but like Hodgings, she had someone she needed to say goodbye to.
She began to sang, ignoring the strange looks Hodgen's was gave to her.
And I don't know how
I can get in touch with you
Now there's only one thing
for me to do, that's to
To get home to you
Blinking, she took the pen in her hand and begins to write. Out of nowehere, the right words came to her as a rush of emotion uncoiled in belly and washed over her skin, leaving her shivering.
Dearest Selly,
Before I met you, I didn't believe in love. Anthropologically speaking, monogamy, and indeed, marriage, are recent human inventions. But what was once just an oppressive, archaic institution, suddenly holds an undeniable appeal. Listening to Hodgins proclaim his love for Angela has forced me to see my own truth. As I sit here and take stock of my life, what I regret most is not having been with you.
With the specter of death looming before me, I am forced to imagine the future you and I will never have. I will never have the chance to feel your tongue probe the hot, wet depths of my mouth and engage in that ancient mating dance until both of us are gasping for air. I will never have the chance to wear the white dress of shantung and tulle that Angela chose for me the week after you and I first became partners, and be lead down the aisle toward you by my father. I will never have the chance to get fat with your twins after we make love for the first time against the wall and you call me Temperance, and I make you buy me pickles and ice cream and Thai food in the middle of the night and massage my swollen ankles.
Silly, from the moment I looked into your soft, warm, chocolate brown Labrador Retriver eyes, I knew you were my soulmate, my destiny, an Angel sent down to me by God Himself, and all those other things I never dreamed I'd believe in. It turns out all I needed to be whole was a good man like you. Without you, I'm nothing.
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
All my love, xoxoxo,
Temprance
P.S.
I have been cuttting myself for weeks now. It helps relive the pain I felt knowing that you and CAm were satisfying your biolOgIcaL urjes together. We hates her.
-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-
Want more? You know what you've gotta do. Clicky the little button.
no subject
Date: 2008-02-15 06:39 pm (UTC)and then I laughed
no subject
Date: 2008-02-15 07:02 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2008-02-15 06:48 pm (UTC)(I don't normal review like this btw) :P
no subject
Date: 2008-02-15 07:03 pm (UTC)That's a brilliant idea. Thank you! I'll credit you in the sequel.
no subject
Date: 2008-02-15 06:50 pm (UTC)I hope this is a one timer , already 'crap' enough @ ffnet
no subject
Date: 2008-02-15 07:04 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2008-02-15 06:53 pm (UTC)Lucky they're found and they have the chance to do all those things. The twins thing... that's my favorite, I totally see her having Booth's babies!! I love the way you included Thai food, very casual, but there's no good fanfic without mentioning Thai food, right? ;) I bet she's listening to her Foreigner CD (she has a few copies of that CD) while they're still in the car hoping Booth will save them.
MODE PARODY OFF
no subject
Date: 2008-02-15 07:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-15 06:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-15 07:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-15 06:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-15 07:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-15 07:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-15 07:09 pm (UTC)You kind of rock at teh bad!fic. Is that a good thing?
I'll let you be the judge of that. ;)
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2008-02-15 07:17 pm (UTC)xoxoxo
PS where did that lerdo person go? She can't wright like you
no subject
Date: 2008-02-15 07:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-15 07:40 pm (UTC)<3 <3 <3 <3 to infinity. And beyond.
no subject
Date: 2008-02-16 01:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-15 08:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-16 01:44 pm (UTC)*gulp* You caught me red-handed.
no subject
Date: 2008-02-15 08:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-03 01:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-15 08:28 pm (UTC)This line made me totally lose it! From the spelling of his name to the description of his eyes to her sudden religious conversion is just perfect. Although - I think you should have capitalized angel just to reference DB's previous series.
PERFECT! Please don't ever write anything like this again!
;-)
no subject
Date: 2008-03-03 01:21 pm (UTC)Brilliant suggestion! Thank you for that; I changed it. :)
PERFECT! Please don't ever write anything like this again!
*snickers* Not anytime soon. ;)
Thanks for reading this; I imagine it was painful. *g*
no subject
Date: 2008-02-15 09:22 pm (UTC)I get it, I just don't like it.
no subject
Date: 2008-03-03 01:22 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2008-02-16 01:03 am (UTC)Dude, use a spellcheck. Also, 'anthropologically speaking' = LOL.
[/end fuction; begin hysterical laughter]
BWAHAHAHAHA!
'tis brilliantly bad!
I think I've got a new love for parody fic.
And I love that out of all the words people can magically mis-spell when it comes to fic (Selly? Sully, what? or, y'know.. not) they always know how to spell terms such as 'anthropologically speaking', 'monogamy', 'archaic', etc.
Hehe.. This is hilarious.
no subject
Date: 2008-03-03 01:26 pm (UTC)And I love that out of all the words people can magically mis-spell when it comes to fic (Selly? Sully, what? or, y'know.. not) they always know how to spell terms such as 'anthropologically speaking', 'monogamy', 'archaic', etc.
Oh yeah. Just an all-around train wreck.
Thanks for soldiering through this one, Ren. ;)
no subject
Date: 2008-02-16 01:24 am (UTC)*wipes tears*
Thanks SO much for a great Friday night howl. And if you feel like sharing one of these on a regular basis, please do!
no subject
Date: 2008-03-03 01:27 pm (UTC)You're very welcome. I hope I haven't lowered your IQ with this. ;)
*hugs* Thank you for bravely reading this, Piper.
no subject
Date: 2008-02-16 04:06 am (UTC)I'm sitting here with a massive grin on my face. I can see Bones in that scene with pigtails in her hair while she's writing to Booth. It's crappy, but it's fantastic. I hope you don't let people get to you, write a few more like this just to shake things up a bit.
Variety is the spice of life. ;)
no subject
Date: 2008-03-03 01:28 pm (UTC)It's horrendous, but in a twisted sort of way, I enjoyed writing it.
Thanks for reading this; I'm sure it hurt. :D
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2008-02-16 05:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-03 01:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-16 01:35 pm (UTC)This reminds me of a parody someone in the Gilmore Girls fandom posted on FF.net, people actually reviewed it as a real fic! Then someone got wind and reported it.
Good work. Good times.
no subject
Date: 2008-03-03 01:31 pm (UTC)Good work. Good times.
Thanks. :)
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2008-02-16 02:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-16 03:25 pm (UTC)Awesome!
Loved the description on.. Silly's eyes xD
no subject
Date: 2008-03-03 01:31 pm (UTC)Ha ha Thank you, Sara. *g*
no subject
Date: 2008-02-16 03:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-03 01:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-16 07:11 pm (UTC)Oh, all the details in this. Its too much. You rock my world.
no subject
Date: 2008-03-03 01:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-16 08:40 pm (UTC)MWAHAHAHAHA. still laughing. (It makes me feel so good, frankly. what an endorphin-builder. :-) )
no subject
Date: 2008-03-03 01:34 pm (UTC)absolutely hilarious --- and the major reason I read so few Bones ficcers: so much - so very much - is like this!
I'm picturing that "Oh dear" Giles icon you have. *g*
no subject
Date: 2008-02-16 09:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-03 01:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-17 12:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-03 01:36 pm (UTC)