Another writerly question (aka let's talk about sex, baby)

[only_more_love]

Writers who write about serial killers have presumably not actually committed murder, though they may have researched it.  Is it any different when we're talking about writing fictional sex scenes?  Assume that I'm not talking about fade to black scenes. 

Do you think a writer must have had sex at least once in order to write about sex convincingly? 

The context for this question is that someone recently messaged me asking for advice on writing sex scenes.  I haven't had a chance to write back yet.  Frankly, I don't know if I'm even qualified to give her any advice beyond some suggested links.   At any rate, because of the person's age and certain things she said, I suspect she is a virgin.  That got me thinking.

ETA:  My question isn't about whether someone must have engaged in the specific sexual acts they're depicting, but rather have they actually been with a partner in some fashion, experienced an orgasm, and so on.

Comments

[trilliane.livejournal.com]

Hmmm. I struggle with this question all the time. Which is probably why I've never written a sex scene myself (which is in fact a lie, but the one time I did I thought it sucked, even though I've been told it was good). I think really good writers who are able to draw on basic human emotion, and who are rather in touch with their own, can write a decent sex scene without ever having engaged in sex or foreplay or anything of the like before. I, myself, have written numerous love/angst stories and I've never even been kissed! Not saying I'm a great writer or anything, but it's convincing enough.

So no, I don't think you have to have had sex to write a sex scene. It's definitely a big help, especially when comes to knowing that things don't always go smoothly and there are awkward moments and such, and that orgasming 5 times in one night is not that common. Haha!

Just my two virgin cents ;)

[http://users.livejournal.com/alderaan_/]

I've never written a sex scene myself (which is in fact a lie, but the one time I did I thought it sucked, even though I've been told it was good)

But I read one fic of yours with a very good sex scene. I don’t remember the title but the characters were David and Emily and they played chess and they were in Canada. Or something like that.
I liked it.

Besos

[trilliane.livejournal.com]

*blushes* that's the one. LoL! Glad you liked it! I guess I'm just a bit doubtful of myself sometimes ;) *grin*

[kinseyjo.livejournal.com]

trill, that was one of my all time fave stories evah. :)

[http://users.livejournal.com/alderaan_/]

I'm just a bit doubtful of myself sometimes.
Oh, I understand you. It’s the same for me. I always doubt about my fics and I think that they are horrible… but the people say that they are good. I don’t know if it’s true or they are good friends and too much benevolent XD

Besos

[ziggystarduzt.livejournal.com]

God, I'm butting in everywhere tonight.. sorry.. but I was reading this and I had to stick my oar in and tell you that I read your David/Emily fic too, a few months ago, and I totally loved it. It stuck in my mind as being good, so there you go.

Also, I'm in Vancouver, and damn do I wish they'd actually come here and get it on ;)

[greenovalfruit.livejournal.com]

*grins* Not that common, huh?

[trilliane.livejournal.com]

haha! oh lord, the sexual exploits of one certain oval fruit ;)
sheesh that sounds dirty. LoL!

[greenovalfruit.livejournal.com]

*lol* I should certainly hope so!

Wanna come be part of a fruit salad? :P

[trilliane.livejournal.com]

why not. who am i to turn down such a tasty offer? ;)

[greenovalfruit.livejournal.com]

Oh, our food innuendo really should be outlawed *snort*

[trilliane.livejournal.com]

good thing they're not ;)